“For Whom Do I Cry? I Cry For Me, I Cry For Thee.”

Rain, rain, go away, come again another day!
This is how I feel as I wander down this endless hall.
Like rain that makes those who look at me wish I would go away.

How I wish these people would understand why I spend the day in tears.
Can’t they see I have a right to cry? I have a right to be sad. I have a right to be mad.

“But don’t cry, Mary.” they say, as if they know why I cry, why I weep, why my tears are like the rain.

“You don’t get it!” I want to tell them, “As you don’t get why it rains when it does or why the rain can become a storm. I cry for me! And I cry for thee!” This is the screaming voice that they can’t hear or understand. Why do I cry for thee? I cry for thee because you don’t get it and I cry for me because I do!

I cry because I was a bad mother, a bad friend, a bad human being. Yes, I abandoned my children and this is why they cried. But here’s the thing, I did not.

Now that I find myself alone, now that I need them the most, it is they that have abandoned me and now it is not they who cry but now it is I who cry, and so I cry for me!

“Now you get it!” I scream in my head. “Now can you understand why I try to escape? Why I push against the doors as I try to get up from this chair that is my only friend. I want to find them. I want to say and cry out the words I never told them, the words they needed to hear then in order for them not to cry. I need to tell them, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Mommy does love you. Mommy does need you.” But it’s too late. Time and distance has separated me and this is why I cry!

But, of course, these people don’t understand nor do they care. I can’t speak. I can’t talk. I can’t do anything because to them I am not normal. I am not competent. All I do is cry and even that is something I am not supposed to do.

Oh how I wish they could understand that I am the original “Cats in the Cradle.” But, no! For them I am the rain, the rain they wish would go away.

So if you are wondering why I cry, this is why; I cry for me as well as for thee. And now it is I who wish I could go away and evaporate like the rain does when it hits a hot and deserted pavement.

Rain, rain, go away, but please don’t cry and don’t come another day! But I do cry, and I cry for me and will continue to cry for thee! Rain, rain…